Insane Alcohol Hacks that You Need to Know

8 Min Read
Insane-Alcohol-Hacks-that-You-Need-to-Know The Bottle Club

Much is written about life hacks, those little tips that help us win at life each and every day, or maybe once a week. You know, a trick or a shortcut that increases your productivity without you having to exert any extra effort - instant efficiency.

What aren’t so well known are alcohol hacks. And we don’t mean nonsense rhymes like: “beer before wine and you'll feel fine; wine before beer and you'll feel queer” (because this doesn’t actually hold true - the carbonation of beer means you absorb alcohol faster, so you won’t feel fine drinking wine after beer, just very merry).

But just like you can have decent hacks for life, you can have decent hacks for alcohol, and we mean proper hacks, not made up ditties that don’t actually help you win at anything.

There are the billy basic alcohol hacks that everyone knows such as: don’t drink on an empty stomach, drink a glass of milk before you imbibe to reduce the amount of alcohol you absorb, or eat a banana when you’re hungover to reduce your hangover symptoms. But these aren’t novel hacks, nor are they really alcohol hacks, just sensible life advice.

So if you take your alcohol seriously, we’ve got an inspirational list of insane alcohol hacks to make consuming alcohol easier and more fun. Step aside rubbish alcohol hacks, because we have an abundance of insane alcohol hacks that you need to know about.

Never pour a bad beer again

Never pour a beer that warrants the remark ‘want a Flake with that?’ ever again with this simple alcohol hack. If you’ve unfortunately poured (or been poured) a beer with more head than is strictly necessary, simply dip your finger in some olive oil and rub it across the top of the foam. The oil works to break down the foam by cutting through the beer bubbles.

Don’t have olive oil to hand? Simply rub your finger on the side of your nose and use the oil from your skin to do the same thing.

Make your own homemade booze

Everyone needs a hack for how to make homemade booze.

Not got access to decent alcohol? Or only have enough money to buy cheap, crappy booze? No more!

Easily turn fruit juice into your own homemade alcohol with the simple addition of a packet of yeast.

Yup, you read that right.

You’ll need to use 100% pure fruit juice (so no preservatives and nothing from concentrate), and it has to have at least 20g of sugar per 100 ml serving for this hack to work properly.

Simply measure out the weight of yeast you need (you can pick up champagne yeast or wine yeast inexpensively online) and mix this into your juice. The higher the alcohol content you want the juice to have, the more yeast you need to use. Leave the mixture for 72 hours for the yeast to work its magic, eh ta da!

Make Kahlua at home

If you’re a coffee snob and you can differentiate between an Arabica bean and a Robusta bean simply by sniffing them, then shop bought Kahlua is not the coffee liqueur you want to be imbibing - it would be like supping on a cup of instant. No thanks.

Simply make your own at home with cheap vodka (or white rum) and your favourite coffee.

      750ml bottle vodka
      300ml dark rum
      300g white sugar
      340g whole coffee beans
      1 vanilla bean

    Combine all the ingredients in a sealable jar, shake hard and leave to steep for 3 weeks. Shake the mixture every other day to ensure the sugar dissolves. Strain through a cheesecloth or muslin into a clean jar and use as you would Kahlua.

    Taste the Rainbow

    Think Skittles are just for kids? Think again. Take this perennial favourite sweet and give it a grown up twist, with the addition of vodka.

    You’ll need 70 Skittles per 200ml vodka. If you want to make the rainbow (a vodka flavoured rainbow that is), you’ll need to separate out the Skittles into piles of their individual colours, then drop each pile into a clean, empty bottle (old water bottles work fine, as long as they have a sealable lid).

    Cover the Skittles with 200ml of vodka, screw the bottle lid on tight and shake each bottle vigorously before leaving to infuse for 24 hours. Continue to shake the bottles every few hours to ensure the Skittles colour coating dissolves in the vodka and they impart their beautiful colour.

    The white centres will take longer to break down, so leave the mixture to combine for at least 24 hours, although you’ll still be left with some white gunk at the bottom of the bottles no matter how long you leave it…

    Strain the mixture through a muslin inside a coffee filter to ensure all the Skittle remnants are removed and pour the Skittles vodka into a clean, empty bottle. Enjoy the rainbow elixir as shots or in cocktails.

    Alcoholic Gummy Bears

    If Skittles aren’t your thing or you don’t want to drink your alcoholic sweets, you’d rather eat them instead, replace the Skittles with Gummy Bears (or cola bottles or fizzy worms, basically your favourite gummy sweet will work here).

    Alcoholic Gummy Bears are even easier to make than Skittle vodka because all you’re doing is leaving the Gummy Bears to bath in vodka overnight (they absorb the alcohol and swell in size - win win).

    The best Gummy Bears (or sweets in general to use here) are the Haribo ones as they swell up every time and they don’t go ridiculously slimy.

    To serve just jab them with a cocktail stick and set on a plate for guests to help themselves.

    Make crap vodka great

    If you can only afford the cheapest, paint stripper-esque vodka, don’t suffer through it. Just run your nasty vodka through a Brita water filter 5 or 6 times and you’ll instantly be able to taste the difference. It filters out the impurities don’t you know.

    Turn bad beer good

    At the end of a long, hard day, nothing quenches the thirst quite like a refreshingly cold beer. But what if you only have low quality beer in the fridge? That isn’t going to satisfy anything.

    Turn your bad beer ship around with the simple addition of a few drops of bitters and instantly improve the flavour. So if you have to have crap lager or a cheap light beer, pep it up with a few shakes of Angostura bitters or orange bitters - you’re welcome.

    Get crap wine back on track

    If you’ve picked up a bargain in the wine bin, got it home only to discover it tastes worse than a tramp’s insole, or a friend kindly brought the dregs of their wine rack round to yours as a present, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Simply smile and throw the wine in a blender.

    What now? You ask… A blender?

    Yup. If you have really crap wine, literally breathe life into it with a 30 to 60 second whizz in a blender. The blender wil